If one more person has the bright idea of telling me that I only have so many weeks left or so many days left I'm to the point that I will not make excuses for what comes out of my mouth as a comeback. Come on! You've got to be kiddin me! Was I in pain 3 months ago? Was I swelling 3 months ago? Was I next to immobile 3 months ago? The answer is NO! I felt great! So how come people just don't empathize and say something like, 'wow, that must be really frustrating', or 'man, I feel for ya!'. No! They've got to say something that can set off a very painful and explosive time bomb! I'm not asking to be this way. It just happens. If it could be so easy as creating some vitamin or pill that stabilizes the hormones and thus the emotions than don't you think it would have been discovered? But pregnancy is SO intricate and inexplainable! Some pregnancies are great and some aren't so great! Some have a great beginning and middle but don't have a great ending-like mine. But I don't give a damn WHO you are, when a body is in chronic pain with nothing to moderate it with, so big that you can't bend to the ground to pick something up or tie your shoes or use a razor without the bathtub looking like you gutted a critter in, or so swollen that you can't feel how well you are gripping something so you drop it (and can't pick it up), and have numbness from your elbow down to your finger tips on your hand that you write with, when you've got this to handle every single day you don't want to hear some free-loading jackass tell you 'you've only got 3 weeks left!' with some cheesy self-impregnating (excuse the pun) grin. Wipe off that grin and tell me how you'd feel if I beat you with a rubber mallot for the next 5 hours (a mere price to pay right?) and tell you at random times 'hang in there, buddy, it'll be over soon! You've come so far and you've only got 4 hours and 23 minutes left'. Please, hang in there my ass! At least you could get up and fight! A pregnant body has no where to go! Do you think I want to be in tears damn near every night because of the pain and swelling? You may think my pain level isn't very high. Go ahead, think what you want. It just shows that you haven't heard or seen enough of what a body can go through. Have you had a 31 lb. boy climbing all over you during the day while you have an 8 lb boy jabbing back on the other side of your epidermis at whatever is mashing him? Have you ever felt that? Can you imagine how that feels?
Yes, I'm tired of being in pain. Yes, I'm tired of being handicapped. Yes, I'm just plain worn out. I can't wait for the 8 inch incision and no sleep. I remember how great I felt before the epidural even wore off and how much energy I had even in the hospital averaging 3 hrs or so of sleep. I felt great!! I can't frickin' wait! It is all worth it but it doesn't mean it's an easy journey. There are so many things I haven't even touched on! I have to leave for an appointment. Maybe the doc will have good news.
This was before noon today. I wasn't outside. I wasn't working. Just 'relaxing' and takin it easy all morning. Ha.
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