Wedding Bands and Swollen Body Parts
Well, yesterday I wrestled off my wedding band. Yes, it was painful-very, might I add! It's three weeks later than when we had to cut off my rings when I was preggo with Wyatt. Not bad you say? Well, take a look at my nose. Has anyone happened to notice it in the last couple of days? Or maybe you've noticed it in the last couple weeks and I'm just trying to create a positive self-image and have subconsciously ignored the widening and have done well in the self-image thing. I think now's the time to get the wide-angle lens out if my picture is going to be taken. At least this time it's waited until 7 1/2 months instead of 5 1/2 months! Talking about swollen....how in the hell does your butt swell? I know swelling is really quite normal and at this stage in the game the dr's say it's all water retention. But in my butt? I'm not really buying it. No one has ever looked so forward to a major surgery than a woman who is in constant back pain, has sausage fingers,a 6 lane bridge on her nose, and a "juicy" butt (notice the quotes? someone said that...but I'm okay with that...I have a positive self-image, remember?). The last time I went shopping something really really pissed me off. I had wore a pair of jeans that just days before were great!! I went fishing in them! That says a lot because of all the bending over and walking you usually do when fishing at a river. What I didn't know, or refused to realize before I went shopping was that the so-called water retention had flooded my body. By the time I had bent over a 100 times to lift a 25 lb. bag of flour, case of wipes, case of diapers, 24 roll pack of t.p., and other various items in the store and then walked out of the store the waistband of my underwear was actually BELOW my butt!! That's thanks to the jeans that used to fit. Every move a pregnant woman makes has a huge effect on the position of her jeans. And that affect is always down. Use a belt you say? Haaaaaaa heeeeeee bwaaaaahhhh haaaaa haaa!!! You've never been preggo have you? And you don't have an 8" scar from a previous c-section do you? Women who had c-sections 18 years ago say their incision line still is bothersome to them! Her name is Diana and I worked with her! Belts are out of the question! I'd like jeans and underwear to be out too...but I don't live in a nudist colony. I think that should be available to every pregnant woman...along with a huge pool! And poolside service! Anyhow, after we got out to the truck and I had unloaded the stuff I was in a real cranky mood. At this point I didn't care who saw me do what. I got in the truck, let loose with a couple different adjective/verbs (they were one in the same in this case) and yes, in front of anyone who may have been watching me I dug into my jeans and pulled up my drawers. There. It's out. It's a fact. You can laugh. I don't care. It really needed to be done. Oh, and while we were there, I had to, no surprise, go to the restroom. They have these handy-dandy little pull-down chairs for toddlers in the handicap stall. Obviously it's to help keep the little hands out of the toilet while mom is pulling, pushing, hoisting, begging and pleading with her jeans to get up around her waist and stay there without the help of baling twine, bubble gum, belts or staples. Wyatt was too tall for it. The straps really cinched him down and I heard his spine pop from bottom to top as I lifted him out of it. Look at his face!! He never complained though. Maybe that was because his voice-box was mashed down into his bladder...I don't know...
He did eventually forgive me. I had to bribe him with food.
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